 How
to Keep On Keepin’ On – Part Two
Dear Friends and Colleagues,
Welcome to Part
II of “How to Keep On Keepin’ On”! The enthusiastic
response to last month’s article confirms for me that
this theme has universal appeal for readers not only in
relation to the pursuit of their own goals and
aspirations, but for the people we support, be they
clients, employees, students or family members. For
those who have not read last month’s issue, I recommend
you going to the
April 2007 Issue before reading this month’s
article. Here is a summary of the first nine
suggestions as described in the April issue of this
newsletter:
-
Allow the
dream to continually feed and inform the journey.
-
When in
search of honey, expect to be stung by bees.
-
Put the
wisdom of the serenity prayer into practice.
-
Lessen stress
by managing expectations.
-
Make a plan
for progress that is gentle enough to be doable, yet
ambitious enough to be inspiring!
-
When in
doubt, just do the next right thing.
-
Rather than
waiting for the right mood to inspire action, allow
action to inspire the mood!
-
Take one day
at a time, and at the end of the day, be done with
it!
-
Value effort
more than results and celebrate the small stuff!
As I continue on
this theme, here are the next nine suggestions for
carrying on with resilience and resolve when the going
gets tough!
10. Mind
your mind by engaging in worthy questions!
In the throes of
a transition or in pursuit of a challenging goal, it is
important to resist idly listening to ourselves talk in
a way that can be discouraging, by invoking encouraging
questions worthy of the quest we are on. Left to its
own devices the mind loves to play naysayer – cynic –
fortune teller – blamer – critic. It blows things out
of proportion, personalizes every situation, and turns
everyday occurrences into an “always or never”
proposition. The mind loves to find blame, lay
guilt-trips and self-justify. It focuses on everything
that might be wrong in a situation, ignoring what is
going right. It imagines the worst possible scenario,
and then leads us to make decisions as if the worst has
already happened. We recognize these distorted thought
processes because they are the classic courses the brain
takes when we are not navigating our own minds!
When that voice
inside us proclaims all the ways in which what we are
doing is somehow not enough - not good enough, quick
enough, clever enough - we need to change the channel.
When we hear ourselves whining, complaining and counting
all the ways the world is doing us wrong – we have to
refuse to drink of that poison. When we find ourselves
wanting to give up, quit, or revel in self-pity, we need
to shift into coaching mode. There is a part of us who
knows how to keep an eye on the ball. There is a part
of us who knows how to coax, wheedle, beg, cajole, and
occasionally bribe ourselves to keep on going when the
going gets tough. We reconnect with the doer, the
warrior, and the coach within ourselves by engaging the
intellect, the spirit and the imagination in worthy
questions like:
-
Who am I
taking cues from today, the part of me who wants to
quit, or the one who insists on staying the course?
-
What are all
the good things going on in this situation that I
have lost sight of?
-
What
intuitive wisdom could I put into practice at this
time?
-
Who do I
respect who might be able to give me some helpful
advice right now?
-
What have I
already achieved in my life, and how do I recover
the resilience that helped me reach those goals?
-
What
obstacles have I overcome to be where I am today,
and how do I tap into the strength and resolve that
saw me through those times?
-
What is my
next good step?
-
How do I
reward myself for the effort I put forth today?
11. Color
your faith with hope, not fear.
We always have a
choice as to where we are putting our faith. We can
have complete faith that we will never reach a desired
destination, or we can have faith that we will. We can
put our faith in the belief that things will never look
up, or we can invest it in the belief that things always
have a way of working out. Faith is no more than our
view of the future, which will always be colored by hope
or by fear. When we color it with hope, it takes on
shades of confidence and optimism. When we color it
with fear, it takes on shades of cynicism and despair.
Great care must be taken in where we put our faith, because
as experience has proven to us time and again, optimism
and cynicism are both self-fulfilling prophecies!
Simply put, we
see what we expect to see. The worldview of one who
feels like a victim of circumstances, will proves itself
true. The worldview of one who sees himself as a victor
over circumstances, will also prove itself true. It’s
not really “a secret” that the human mind, with all of
its attitudes and perceptions, has tremendous power in
affecting the reality we see. It should give us pause,
however, to realize the extent to which we author the
story of our lives every day, not just in the decisions
we make and the actions we take, but the ways in which
we choose to place our focus and invest our faith.
If we want to
Keep On Keepin’ On, we have to put our faith in our
possibilities rather than our problems. There will
always be times when it feels as if we are taking one
step forward, and two steps back. The employer doesn’t
return our call. We don’t get that second interview.
We open an empty mailbox rather than receiving the
long-awaited acceptance letter. In order to survive
such disappointments, we must muster optimism, not as a
form of denial, but as a deeply rooted conviction that
if we just keep doing the next right thing, the road
will open to new opportunities, new choices, and new
possibilities that we never could have dreamed.
12. Don’t
mistake busyness for engagement!
Just because we
are active, doesn’t mean we are always productive. We
may be moving, but not always in the right direction.
Living a complex and intricate existence keeps us busy,
but busyness doesn’t mean we are fully engaged in what
we are doing. Usually, it’s just the opposite.
Complicated lives often show to what extent the person
is lost in the busyness of the world. To the extent
that we are busy, we often feel neurotically active in
trying to get things done which may not matter much in
the long run.
The metaphor of
the bee is a good one for human engagement. The bee is
stuck in the kitchen, busily buzzing from corner to
corner of every window, while just a few feet away there
is an open door from which to escape the house and gain
the sky. But it is so busy trying to get through the
window, it remains unaware of the open door. The bee is
busy, yes, but not very bright. Our every action is
within our control and we need to assess whether our
actions are wasting our energy or capitalizing on it.
To get more of what we want, we need to act in a way
that will produce it by entertaining questions
like:
-
What am I
doing that is working, and how do I do more of that?
-
What am I
doing that is not working, and how do I less of
that?
-
What else
should I be doing that could work, and how do I
begin doing some of that?
13.
Remember the hundredth blow!
It takes
discernment to distinguish ‘what’s not working’ with
‘what hasn’t worked yet”. There is a great teaching
story of the person who came upon a tree cutter who with
one great blow, fell the tree to the ground. The
observer gasped in awe, “Wow, you are powerful!’ The
tree cutter responded humbly, “I am not powerful, I am
persistent. It was not the final blow that downed the
tree. It was the hundredth blow backed up by the other
ninety-nine which brought it down.” Perhaps what we
need are not new methods or fresh techniques, but the
discipline to do what we are doing long enough for it to
work!
It is natural in
the achievement of any goal to come upon obstacles, and
feel temporarily stuck on a plateau. Anyone who has ever
played a musical instrument, participated in a sport, or
practiced a martial art knows that you hit plateaus
where it seems as you are making no progress at all.
That’s when we are tempted to give up, drop out, or take
up another instrument or sport. But experience tells us
that if we just keep practicing, eventually we make what
feels like a sudden leap to a higher level of
proficiency. We just have to hang in there to let
whatever we are doing work!
14. Get by
with a little help from your friends.
Beyond writing a
great song, I think the Beatles were on to something. To Keep On Keepin’ On in the face of a great challenge
takes energy and commitment, two ingredients we may run
out of temporarily, and need to borrow from the
neighbor. At those times, it is tenacity, not talent,
that rules day. It is the willingness to call on a
friend, a family member, or a colleague and admit that
you need to borrow a cup of courage, an ounce of oomph,
a stick of resilience. It’s that call to a buddy who
always makes you laugh, a cup of coffee with a mentor
who never fails to inspire, or rocking your neighbor’s
new baby that puts everything back into perspective.
Perhaps what we need is more practical like a ride to an
interview, someone to run your presentation by, someone
to watch the kids for an hour, or someone to give us a
pep talk before an important meeting.
Unfortunately,
discouragement is the private hell none of us want to
talk about. When people ask, “How’s it going?” we don’t
assume that they want the truth. Rather, we dismiss any
possibility of support by responding with a simple
affirmation that everything is fine. By shutting people
down with a pat answer, we give people one of two
choices – to either believe that we really are okay, or
to intuit the truth and change the subject to save us
from embarrassment. What we could find, however, is
that by copping to the messier truth that things are
stressful and at times, discouraging, we could open the
door for people to offer suggestions or lend a hand in
some way. Why do we persist in thinking that we must go
it alone when things are tough, only sharing our
experience when we are on the upside of life?
When we feel
hesitant about asking for help, perhaps a good question
might be, “How would I feel on the other end of this
request?” How good would it feel to be able to support
or encourage someone else by lending an ear, a hand, a
book, or the truck? We all have a cast of characters in
our lives who we would love to assist in some way, but
feel helpless to aid. When the occasion arises when we
can actually be of help to another person, it feels
marvelous! Why would we deprive someone else of that
opportunity?
15. Be
careful of the company you keep!
Business writer
Jim Rohn suggests, “You are the average of the five
people you spend the most time with.” What an
interesting notion – that we become like the people we
spend the most time with. If you think about it, it
makes a lot of sense. We know how contagious enthusiasm
and passion can be – why wouldn’t the same be true for
apathy and cynicism? Great care must be taken in
seeking the company of people who inhabit the qualities
we need most! Some people are recreational worriers,
sensing potential doom in everything, while others are
naturally optimistic. Some people seem hell bent on
elevating whining to a new art form, while others exude
their unique brand of joie de vivre. We are romancing
trouble when we spend time with people who feed our
fears rather than our aspirations. In our attempt to
husband optimism and hope into the daily round, we need
to seek the company of people who make us feel like a
million bucks rather than those who specialize in
pessimism. We need to seek out people who are
self-starting, farseeing, and experienced in facing the
odds in their own lives with resilience and resolve. We
also need to be vigilant in not allowing other people’s
drama to spill over into our lives, as we all have
plenty of drama of our own!
16. Take
on a whole-life perspective!
Regardless of the
challenge facing us or the largess of the dream we are
pursuing, it is never our entire story. Even the person
running for office has a mother who needs a weekly
call. The manager directing the downsizing of staff
will have her grandchildren showing up on Sunday for her
famous spaghetti. The job seeker with three interviews
in the offing has a ten year old who needs to practice
lines for the school play. By nurturing and attending
to all of the aspects of our lives, we bring a different
sense of confidence to the one that is testing us.
Attending to the day to day necessities and
responsibilities of our larger life, brings us a sense
of grounding. Groceries must be bought whether or not
the deal comes through. The upstairs toilet needs to be
repaired regardless of what happens with the funding.
Whether or not people returned your phone calls today,
we notice the daffodils are coming up in the backyard
and new buds are sprouting on the tree. However
challenging the endeavor in which we find ourselves, we
can renew a sense of balance and serenity by
reconnecting with the parts of our lives which are also
deserving of our focus and attention.
17. Take
care that you’re not running on empty!
We would never
expect the car to run without being fueled and
maintained, nor expect the computer to run without its
battery being charged. When it comes to our own lives,
however, we often expect full tilt performance without
the benefit of basic refueling or recharging, much less
adequate maintenance and care. Instead, we live by the
Energizer Bunny philosophy that suggests we should just
keep going and going and going … regardless of whether
or not we have had enough sleep, a well-balanced diet,
plenty of physical exercise or enough time with the
family. In our fast-paced culture, we consider time
taken for intellectual stimulation, spiritual
fulfillment, creative expression, or rest and relaxation
as a luxury few can afford. Ironically, no one would
argue that we work better, relate more effectively, and
perform to higher standards when we are rested, healthy
and happy. Ultimately the price we pay for not attending
to our physical, spiritual, emotional and mental needs
is the one that has us feeling bankrupt at the end of
the day - bankrupt of energy, joy, peace and
well-being. Kind of like a car trying to run on empty,
don’t you think?
We need to
develop healthy expectations for ourselves that don’t
require us to run on an empty tank. We know that for
everything, there is a season – even within a day that
is true. There are times when it is appropriate to push
ourselves – to expand, explore and stretch the
envelope. There are other times when it is necessary to
retreat, step back, and refocus. There are times for
re-evaluation and self-inventory, and other times we
need to give ourselves a break and lighten up! There
are times to give, and times to receive; times to teach
and express, other times to listen and learn. We are
like the rest of the natural universe, we contract and
expand. By listening to ourselves and responding with
what we intuitively know we need, we refuel and
recharge. For some recharging means working out at the
gym or taking a dance class, while for others it means
vegging out on the couch with a comedy or getting lost
in a great mystery. Then again, there is probably a
time and a place for both.
18.
Dedicate your day to something bigger than yourself.
This simple
practice has had a most powerful effect in my life! When
beginning a long travel day, preparing to give a keynote
speech, or entering a training day about which I have
some trepidation, by pausing and dedicating the day to
something bigger than myself, everything changes. If I
have dedicated my travel time to a friend who is
grappling with depression, with the news that a flight
has been delayed, I find a greater reserve of patience
and grace with which to pass the added time. Conversely,
when I have failed to dedicate my travel time, I more
apt to meet long delays with frustration and angst,
further exacerbating an already sorry situation.
When dedicating a
training day to a loved one who is grieving, my personal
anxieties take a back seat to my intention to deliver
the best training possible, regardless of the
circumstances in which I find myself. Walking into a
room with bad lighting, terrible acoustics, or
inadequate seating, I can feel frustrated that my needs
as a facilitator have not been met, but refuse to allow
my irritation to get the upper hand in the spirit of my
work. Knowing my loved one is deserving of nothing less
than the best from me, the gift of my dedication helps
me refocus my thoughts and energy.
When we place
ourselves in service of something bigger than ourselves,
we are clear, direct and plain-spoken, moved to feelings
of generosity and open-heartedness. We have a sense of
largess as we prepare to give something away … it makes
us feel expansive, allowing us a sense of autonomy
infused with meaning. As I express in this month’s Poem
of the Month, the gift of our dedication makes us
powerful, like an arrow shot from a bow, or an eagle in
flight, whether that gift be of a meal, a speech, a day
of yard work, or one more week on a stringent diet.
In that spirit, I
would like to dedicate this issue of the newsletter to
my dear friend, Christina Marie Dunn, who showed the
world how to keep on keepin’ on in the face of great
personal turmoil and physical illness. Her journey ended
on March 7th, 2007, just short of her 49th birthday.
What I know for certain is that the beauty and
generosity of her spirit is with me and all whom she
loved as we continue showing up to do the work that is
ours to do, following the dreams that are ours to
follow.
May we be an
inspiration to those we love in the way we persist in
the pursuit of our dreams!
~ Denise
© Denise
Bissonnette, May 2007 (If not used for commercial
purposes, this article may be reproduced, all or in
part, providing it is credited to "Denise Bissonnette,
Diversity World - www.diversityworld.com." If included
in a newsletter or other publication, we would
appreciate receiving a copy.)
Read Denise's
previous (April 2007) newsletter...
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