Dear Friends and Colleagues,

I hope this issue finds you in the throes of a wonderful summer!  I am still in the letting down process from a very busy travel schedule that continued through June, throwing me up on the shores of July rather wiped.  In that vein, I failed to gather the requisite creative juice and inspiration for writing this month’s newsletter which typically comes to me a good two or three weeks in anticipation of writing an article for that month.  Once an idea hits me, I work it, I knead it, I toss it around a little bit and massage it, before finally getting down to the business of turning it into an article.  That’s all fine and good – everyone has their process, right?  Well, it’s fine unless you have several ideas rolling around in your brain but can’t settle on any one of them, there is one week left to the month in question, and that week is going to be taken up hosting family members flying in various parts of the country!  So picture me this afternoon, close to hitting the panic button, when suddenly a question enters Stage Left – Why not write about the very thing that has you stuck – The consequence of not having made a choice! 

You see, it’s not until I actually choose a topic that the wheels can start rolling.  Not having picked a lane, it was impossible to begin venturing down the highway of a new article, much less operate on “cruise control”.   Such is the power and momentum of decision-making!  Until we make a choice, we are powerless to start moving towards it.  With indecision comes inaction, it’s just that simple.  

Consider the cost of indecision in other areas of our lives: We have so many great business ideas that it’s impossible to choose just one of them, and so we go another year without having expanded the product or service line.  We aren’t sure if we are with the right person and so avoid making a real commitment, feeling oddly empty in the relationship.  We know that we are going to make the dream vacation happen – some day – but not having decided where or when, it is put off into some nebulous future.  We feel inspired to get into shape, but not having decided upon a particular work out regimen, we simply dream of having a leaner, meaner body from the comfort of the couch.  We feel the need to give back to the community, to get involved in a worthy social cause, but not knowing which one, we fail to participate at all.  We haven’t decided what career goal or job choice would really be the “right fit”, so we fail to put ourselves out into the market, worried that we will end up in the wrong position.  And all the while, with all our dreaming and scheming, by avoiding making a real choice, we end up getting nowhere, real fast! 

I don’t think there is any question that indecision carries a high price.  So why are we willing to continue paying it?  Perhaps with some awareness of what keeps us stuck, we have the power to get unstuck.  Here is a little perspective on why I think choices can be so difficult to make, and why there is a lure to indecision.   

1.  By making a choice, we have to close the door on other options!    

Part of our nature resists and resents the idea that we have limits.  Before a choice is made, everything is still in the realm of possibility.   But we can’t do everything at once or be all things to all people. We cannot pursue every idea or make every dream come true. Deciding on one route means we have to abandon others, and well, that just kind of sucks.  We don’t like making trade-offs or having to sacrifice one thing for another.  Until a choice is made, we feel as if we are having our cake and eating it too. 

2.  We feel conflicted about the criteria for making the decision!

Every decision is made on the basis of criteria.  The FDA has criteria for food and drug quality, the postal service has criteria for mailing packages, and Immigration has criteria for entry into the country, (albeit bizarre).  Whether or not we are conscious of it, we also have criteria for every decision we make from the clothes we put on in the morning (e.g., what is warm and comfortable, what will look professional, or what makes me look good?) what we eat for breakfast (e.g., what will sustain me on the hike, what’s within the limits of my diet, or what can I wolf down in the five minutes before I have to go), to the movie we choose (e.g., what will take my mind off work, what will challenge me to think, or what’s going to me laugh?).  The clearer we are about what we want out of a decision, the more obvious the choice.

The problem arises when we are in conflict about what it is that we really want! We’ve all met the job seeker who turns down job after job because he/she is waiting for the “right opportunity” or the person who is still single after years of dating because he/she still hasn’t met Mr. /Ms. Right.  The clearer we are about what “right” means, the greater the likelihood we are of finding it.  

3.  We have so many creative ways of being indecisive!

It’s interesting that while our tendency to vacillate in indecision is commonplace, we have numerous ways of masquerading it so we can appear to be in “decision-making mode” without having to cop to the fact that we are simply avoiding making a choice!   Here’s a quick list of twenty methods that we either employed or witnessed as effective in decision-making avoidance.  I will resist identifying my personal favorites, but see if you can identify some of your own:  

1. Pretend that there is no need to be making a choice, persisting in the belief that “Denial” really is a river in Egypt!
    

2. Come up with so many charming and fantastic options that you could not possibly choose among them!
    

3. Cling to the security of routine and sameness with equal force and faculty of Saran Wrap.
       

4. Conjure up the most frightening and devastating risks that could result from deciding and acting upon the “wrong” choice! 
    

5. Ignore any potential gain or possible benefits from making and acting on a “good “choice. 
    

6. Play the proverbial pessimist and decide that, once and for all, nothing is going to work, everything bad happens to you, it always has, it always will, and indeed, IT IS VERY PERSONAL!
    

7. Invest your stock in LaLaLand, that place where everything promises to work out beautifully, without ever having to lift a finger, exert your will, or apply an ounce of your own imagination. 
    

8. Create enough crisis, conflict, or commotion to distract yourself (and others) from the situation at hand. (Drama queens unite!)
    

9. Become a full-time recreational worrier, dredging up every mistake you have ever made by moving too quickly or acting too brashly without having applied proper and prolonged forethought.
    

10. Get completely lost and overwhelmed with facts, details, and data, otherwise known as “paralysis by analysis”.
     

11. Shun any responsibility in creating the situation in which you are being forced to make a choice!
     

12. Find other people or circumstances to blame for being in the situation of even having to make a dang choice.  (Be on the lookout for a possible conspiracy against you.)
     

13. Wait to become the perfect person, who at the perfect time and at the perfect place will receive, you guessed it, the “perfect answer” to the question at hand!
     

14. Pay zero attention to the advice and suggestions of those who want to help you get unstuck.
     

15. Seek advice only from those who are guaranteed to support and affirm your present state of doubt, indecision, and ambivalence.
     

16. Ask everyone you meet for advice, then find discrepancies amongst their ideas in order to disqualify every suggestion.
     

17. Play the unwilling victim and wait the whole thing out until forced into a decision not of your own choosing.
     

18. Plead “justifiable indecision” or “well-reasoned ambivalence” to further promote procrastination in making a choice.
     

19. Totally disregard your own gut instincts or any still, small voice urging you to “ …” or get off the pot.
     

20. Imagine that you have all the time in the world, your options will only continue to expand, and oh yeah, you’ll never have to die! 

I am sure it would have been more helpful to my readers if I had drafted a list of “20 Ways to Make Decision- Making Fun, Easy, and Less Painful”, but, that list would have been far more difficult to write and certainly would have required more than an afternoon of deliberation.   So, instead, I will offer one small piece of advice that made it onto bumper stickers in the late 90’s: “Leap, and the net will appear.”  Even if it doesn’t, at least you will have moved from a place of being stuck and/or you will have an interesting story to tell. 

Wishing you all a delightful summer!

~ Denise