Dear Friends and Colleagues,

As many of you know, I write new articles every other month, using the “leap month” to reflect on comments and respond to questions from the article of the past month.  This is a leap month!  For those of you who did not get a chance to read last month’s issue, you can read it online. See “The Price and Lure of Indecision: Twenty Ways to Avoid Making a Choice”.

Many of the responses I received to last month’s article affirmed one of two things: the fact that “the state of indecision” runs rampant among students and job seekers; and, that it is much easier to sit in judgment of other people’s indecision than to cop to and identify one’s own!   While it was difficult to select among them, I have chosen three responses to include in this issue: the first raises an important question, the second offers personal and professional insight from a career coach, and the third expresses an opinion I could not let pass without comment.  Enjoy!     
 

Harnessing perspective in the midst of fear.

Dear Denise, Thanks for your article on Ways to Avoid Making a Choice – it made me feel less alone in my perpetual state of indecision.  I think what makes decision-making so difficult is that we are having to choose a path marked by uncertainty.  Playing it safe feels better than risking it all on what could be a huge mistake. What advice would you give someone who is paralyzed by the fear of all that could go wrong by taking a first step toward necessary change? 

- Sincerely,  Indecisive in San Antonio, Texas

I appreciate this reader’s question as I believe that we have all been in that place of he/she describes.  Clearly, any specific advice I would offer would have to be based on the particular challenges, issues and opportunities facing the person in question, and as such, I can only respond in the most general way.  As a rule, however, I think the best counsel any of us can lend another is the gift of perspective, allowing the person to see and perceive the situation from a different point of view or in a new light.  It is obvious to me from that the reader is viewing his/her circumstances through the lens of fear and the worry it invokes.  While that may be a very valid and appropriate lens on the situation, it certainly should not be the only lens.   

When in the midst of making an important and difficult decision, the imagination tends to run amuck, producing all kinds of scenarios ranging from the catastrophic to the absurd, and everything in between.  Obviously these thoughts and images help to create the emotional tension which often results in what the reader referred to as “paralyzed by fear”.  In acknowledgment of that critical connection between our thoughts, our emotions, and ultimately our actions, when making a decision of any import, we need to examine the quality of our very thought process.   To that purpose, allow me to share a list of questions I posed in the March, 2005 issue of this newsletter entitled, “Replacing Worry with Intentional Thinking”.   As you read them, consider applying them to a worrisome situation of your own to see if you can gain some fresh insight and perspective into the circumstances at hand.

• Have I reduced some complex reality to black and white or am I making room for shades of gray, knowing that reality is rarely an all or nothing proposition? Is my thinking limiting and restrictive, or is it creative and expansive?
   

• Am I wasting time blaming someone or something for having caused a situation, or am I focusing on the lesson or opportunity it presents?  Is my thinking stuck on the problem, or is it seeking solutions? 
   

• Am I playing fortune-teller by predicting a worrisome outcome that I can’t survive, or am I entertaining the entire spectrum of possible outcomes, knowing that one way or another I will get through it?  Is my imagination stuck on the worse case scenario or is it working in a more logical and realistic way? 
   

• Am I pretending to know what another person might be thinking, or feeling, or am I willing to replace mind-reading with a stance of unknowing, curiosity, and openness? 
   

• Am I interpreting this situation through the filter of a prior negative experience, or do I refuse to hold myself hostage to the past? Is my thinking based on fear and doubt, or is it allowing room for hope and faith?
   

• Am I reacting to this situation based solely on my emotions, or am I willing to respond to the whole of the situation beyond my feelings about it?   Is my thinking impulsive and emotional, or is it calm and reflective?  
   

• Am I exaggerating the effect this situation will have on others and the world, or am I mature enough to know that I cannot play God by trying to take responsibility for other people’s lives?
   

• Am I thinking in a way that is causing me to feel scattered, lost or confused, or am I focusing on the aspect of this situation that is within my control?  Is my thinking defeatist or strategic?

It is important for us to remember that every thought we allow to enter the mind has the power to either renew or deplete our spirit, to nourish the best in us or to steal our thunder.  What we tell ourselves about our circumstances completely colors our experience, influencing how we feel about them.  With that being true, there is nothing like the poetic power of a good question to serve as a guardian at the gate of our minds to help us discern which thoughts and images will be allowed entrance and to which we will refuse attention.  
 

Insider Tips on Choosing a Course of Study

Dear Denise, Your newsletters have a way of showing up at the right time, with the right topic for reflection!  As a person who often experiences great ambivalence - thus great anxiety when making decisions, I appreciated your depth of insight along with the "creative ways" of avoiding decisions.  I think that our ability to approach decisions with confidence is based on a few key factors - our experiences, role models, beliefs about risk, beliefs about ourselves, and our underlying motivation(s).   

I see how I get stuck in decision-making, which makes me continually more compassionate with the job seekers and career changers I work with.  Here's an example:  I've thought about going back to school to get another master's degree - in counseling with either a holistic/spiritual specialization or a concentration in expressive therapy.  Why don't I apply to the program?  Even register for a course?  From a beliefs perspective, I tell myself these stories:  "I'm too old."  "I won't have enough energy to keep up with classes and homework."  "I'm not sure I'm able to retain information as well as I used to."  "I'll feel out of place as an older student at 57."  From a motivation perspective, I'm more motivated to stay in my comfort zone - to stay "safe," albeit small.

When I see people in career transition struggle with whether to go back to school and decide on a program of study, many feel that they want to make the "right" choice.  We can only know the right choice by working from the inside out.  The job market and its needs are constantly changing and evolving.  The best you can do is tap into your passion, what's driving you, what you're interested in.  You can make the right choice for you right now.  Choosing a course of study by chasing after a current labor market need may not be the right thing.  A great demand for medical coders & billers today might not be the case  two years from now.  Graphic design - all the rage a couple of years ago - is now a flooded market.  

When it comes down to it, I believe that many of us are running away from the reality that nothing is guaranteed.  Nothing.  Everything is changing all the time, however imperceptible.  As my favorite Buddhist teacher and author, Pema Chodron, says, “There is no solid ground.”  Don't get me wrong - I'm not suggesting drifting aimlessly.  Here are some tips to help you in your decision on whether or not to take a particular program of study:

1. Read the course descriptions.  Are you enthusiastic by the prospect of learning these things?  On a scale of 1 (low) to 10 (high), what's your degree of excitement and interest?
    

2. Talk to current students to learn about their experiences in the program. 
    

3. Attend an open house at the school in order to get a feel for the administrative staff, the faculty/teachers, and the general atmosphere.
    

4. Ask to speak with a few of their prior students to see where they're working, their experiences in the program, etc.  There's nothing like informational interviewing!
    

5. Research your local labor market.  Some of the national statistics on job projections are out-of-date or may not apply to your geographic area.
    

6. What's your passion, your mission, your top priorities?  How will this program help fulfill that?
    

7. Ask yourself, "If I don't do this, what's likely to happen?"  Sometimes the realization that we'll stay in a situation that leaves us unhappy or unfulfilled is enough of a motivator to make the change and start.
    

8. Replace negative thinking, silencing the internal critic with positive affirmations.  For me, I've begun saying, "I've always loved to learn new things.  I'm a lifelong learner."

Finally, two books that have been very helpful for me that your readers might also find valuable are The Right Questions by Debbie Ford, and The Fear Factor by Rhonda Britten.

- Stephanie Legatos, Career & Job Search Coach / Certified Professional Resume Writer, BE WELL PARTNERS, Topsfield, MA

Thank you, Stephanie for sharing your insight with our readers! You also brought home the important lesson that even as career professionals, we need to continually practice what we preach with regard to our own livelihoods.  Here’s to lifelong learning!
 

Increase authority to penalize “indecision” or enhance ability to inspire choice?

Dear Denise, Your article hit a chord for me as I work with people who are always dragging their feet with regard to going to work, always saying that they are waiting for the right job, etc, but getting nowhere in the process. I think that our systems are way too compliant and that we should have more authority to drop people from the welfare rolls or from receiving unemployment when they fail to show good faith efforts in becoming employed. Do you agree?

- Case Manager, Dept. of Social Services, Sacramento, California

In response to your question, I suppose it depends on the ultimate goal or objective one is working towards.  If we were simply talking about curbing government spending (in the short run), I suppose your suggestion makes sense. If, however, our primary aim is to assist people in becoming financially independent, I do not believe that applying more stringent sanctions or finding ways to penalize people is the most effective way to achieve those ends.  I think the greater need is for deeper understanding and insight into the issues which cause people to, as you say, “drag their feet”. 

What might appear as sheer laziness could be a case of anything from lack of information about their choices, lack of confidence in acting on what they see as their choices, and/or the desire to not put their family at risk by surrendering benefits in an unstable economy.  Clearly there is no lack of possible scenarios that could result in a person being stopped in their tracks, none of which would be remedied by the person being dropped by the system.  What is easy to imagine, however, is how a person’s circumstances could be worsened by such an action. 

I think we have all known (or been) in situations in which a little pressure, if not a real push, was exactly what we needed as an impetus to change. As I have stated in other articles, however, I don’t think that we make our best choices at gunpoint. Furthermore, I believe that the carrot tends to wins over the stick.   It is said that “pain pushes us until vision pulls”, but I have not met many people who were “pushed” into circumstances that ended up being valuable and effective in an enduring kind of way.  Sure, we can teach kids to swim by throwing them into the deep end of the pool, but if our goal is to produce avid swimmers who love the water, that’s probably not how we would go about it!   

At the risk of making a faulty assumption, this reader has my sympathy for working in a system that is under tremendous economic pressure – surely all of California is feeling the heat.  But does the curbing of government spending really need to start with cutting services for people who are already disenfranchised and economically disadvantaged?  Personally, I would love to see more time and energy invested in creating new ways to inspire and empower the disempowered than to further diminish their participation in our communities.  That is the dream that brought me into this field and it is the dream that continues to inspire my participation!    

In the spirit of the poem that follows, I wish us all the courage and the grace to try our wings in ways big and small as we encourage others to listen and respond to the still, small voice urging them to “Fly”!  

~ Denise